I'm going to post about my first week of classes and work tomorrow, and I'm really excited to do it! This entry was just getting too long, and I have to go to bed so I can get up early, go running, shower, and eat before work tomorrow (my flatmate Meagan inspired me. By the time I woke up this morning, she had been running, grocery shopping, showered, and dressed)! The springs in our beds feel as though they're raised approximately five inches above our actual mattresses, so it's always safe to factor in a little extra sleep for those times you're awoken by a spring puncturing your lung. I even find them hard to sleep on, and I fall asleep in public on a regular basis.
London is fantastic. What is not fantastic is my inability to stay out of pubs. Last night, for the first time since I've been here, I turned down a pub invite. I am not an alcoholic! But I've always hated sweaty house parties where not one person can see straight (except me, don't fret, Mom and Dad). All I've wanted is to have fun with people and talk. Since the bulk of my friends don't reach the magical age of 21 until at least March (if not May for Liz, the baby), being in a place where all of my friends can go to a bar and just hang out is really wonderful. But, I didn't go out last night or tonight, because I was tired and I knew I shouldn't. Look at me, I'm a grownup. Don't get me wrong, I'll grab a beer with Shaina tomorrow night. But everything in moderation, right? Even pubs and good conversation. Not that watching Never Been Kissed with Mackenzie wasn't a great substitute. Who knew that James Franco played some high school tool?
I think that being in London is really helping me reevaluate the way I form relationships. For most of my college career, being in Boston with Mitch and his friends was the only way I felt I could socialize with people my age in a constructive and enjoyable way. I think I was always envious of their friendship, because it was the kind of friendship I wanted. I wanted to listen to amazing music and play video games and drink together all night. I wanted to jump in the Charles, because why the hell not? And I wanted to be making music. But in idealizing their friendships, I ignored and devalued others, both potential friendships, and those I already had. I refused to form unique friendships and clung to ones that weren't functioning in a healthy way anymore, because I knew I wouldn't have the same relationships that Mitch and his friends had with one another. But I shouldn't, because I'm not them. I've stopped analyzing everyone's interactions like it's some equation to happiness. Only in the second half of last semester did I really start appreciating people who had been there the whole time, and who are incredible, supportive, and caring human beings. I'm open to people, and if we get along, then I enjoy that. I'm letting my relationships be.
I guess what all of this emotional self-analysis boils down to is that I've become increasingly aware of the fact that my life is within my control. I know that seems obvious, but I've never considered it as a possibility before. I have the power to make choices that affect my life for the better. I can choose to let people show me how amazing they are as individuals, and I can choose to love people for their strengths and their flaws. I can choose to lead a fulfilling life; to take care of my responsibilities, and to pass on things that are not my responsibility. And I can choose to be happy. And I am. :)
<3 Emily
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